


Deviant Love

by Tshilaba



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Blood, F/M, Gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 01:18:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4646934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tshilaba/pseuds/Tshilaba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>LeviHan week 2015 on Tumblr</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beauty

They see a monster.

The way she hacks into Titans, her passion never weakening, simply changing focus as she begins to hate them less.

But this...

Levi watches her pull the nails out meticulously. She struggles at first, brushing it off as her "first time torturing a human", as if she's tortured _anything_ before, as if it's something she can perfect with practice. She gets better, more precise as she finishes the first hand and moves to the second.

She pulls a tooth, and Levi begins to worry.

She no longer seems to be bothered by the blood. Unlike Titan blood, human blood lingers. It stays on her clothing where it's splashed. There are spatters on her face as Sannes screams in pain.

She remains straight faced when they leave for the night.

~

The next morning, she's twirling a small object around her index finger as they walk to the holding cell.

Levi ventures to ask what it is and immediately regrets it when the answer he receives is "for crushing testicles".

There's that grin on her face, the one she gets when she sees a Titan. But something is off, because there's no light in her eyes.

~

She doesn't use it. They change their minds and trick Sannes into betraying his comrade.

It's amazing, Levi thinks, that they have so little trust in each other to believe that the other would betray them.

Sannes calls her a monster and Levi watches as she breaks, throwing herself against the bars of the cell, screaming at him in response.

They've always seen her as a monster.

Levi follows her when she leaves. He finds her in the bath, clothes kicked across the floor, glasses barely safe on the counter. She's scrubbing herself viciously.

She's trying to wash away the blood only she sees.

He crosses the room, strips and joins her, taking the rag from her gently, stilling her hands until she stops clawing. He bathes her in silence and then helps her out of the tub and to her room.

~

It's as they curl up later, Hange wrapping around him and burying her face in his side, that it dawns on him.

Perhaps she's not beautiful in the traditional sense, but she has the courage to do what's necessary, even if it breaks her.

And to Levi, that's the most beautiful thing.


	2. Stars

"What are you doing, Zoe?"

"Hmm?" I turned away from the window to look at Levi. "Oh, no, I just see some fireflies."

"Fireflies, huh?" he said in response. "Sounds cool." He then sat down at the desk and started to study; we had finals the next morning, but it was still early and I didn't feel like studying just yet.

I got an idea, suddenly, looking at the fireflies. "Hey, Levi?"

A grunt. Well, that was something. Usually I didn't even get that. I took a deep breath and said, "Can we go be with them?"

He was looking at me like I was insane, but he shut his book, shaking his head with a sigh.

When we'd gotten a ways from the front door of the dorm, I took a running jump and landed, on my back, rolling on a patch of grass. A small cloud of fireflies drifted up lazily after being disturbed and I burst out laughing.

Levi dropped into a crouch beside me. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Oh, come on. You know you love me," I teased playfully, still laying on my back. He was staring at me quietly. "...don't you?"

"I've always followed you." He laid down in the grass.

That made a funny feeling swell in my chest. I was beginning to like that feeling. "Love ya too Levi."

We laid there in silence for a while as the sun began to set, the stars slowly coming into view.

"Look," I said, pointing. "There's Canis Major."

"...how the hell do you see that, Shitty Glasses?"

"Coz Sirius is the brightest star there. I remember where the rest are as long as I can find it."

"So like how I find you."

I frowned and sat up, looking at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged and looked past me up at the stars.

I looked up as well. I thought, maybe, I understood what he meant.

By itself, Sirius was bright, but it wasn't a constellation on its own.


	3. Wings

Freedom. It was something they both wanted. Though they'd grown up very differently, he had accepted his cage while she had tried her very damnedest to break out, they now had the same path: eradicate the Titans and reclaim the land outside the walls. She was passionate enough for both of them, perhaps even too much so. But he was always there to save her ass.

Or, that was what they thought.

Crazily enough, it wasn't the Titans they'd spent years pressing against that brought her crashing down. It was a soldier, just like themselves, only fighting for their own beliefs, their own freedom.

He didn't blame them, or her. He blamed himself. He was supposed to protect her. To prevent that from happening.

Braus seemed to be as self-destructive as he was, nearly sobbing as she apologized for her "failure", and remained inconsolable until Hange shushed her, assuring her that she had followed her orders and that was all that had been expected of her.

Levi still blamed himself.

Their next battle did not go as planned.

There were too many of them. He should have known. But even Eren and Ymir's collective strength was not enough.

He felt the searing pain in his leg as he slammed into the tree and it cracked and bent beneath him. That was the same leg that had been damaged rescuing Eren from the Female Titan; there was no repairing it this time.

"Levi!"

He whirled around at the unearthly screech.

Hange was perched in a tree, too far away to reach him with the Titans surrounding them. As careless as she could be, she knew it hopeless. There were tears pooling in her goggles as she clung to the tree, an Abnormal shaking it violently. She was thrown back against the trunk and her gear detached, dropping down to the ground.

"This is it, huh?"

"Looks like..."

"Funny," she said. "I always thought we'd get to fly free..."

A pair of birds flew by overhead before they dipped too far into the horde, soon nothing more than a cloud of feathers in a Titan's palm.

Hange's mouth pulled tight at the scene. "Maybe...that's what freedom is..." she said quietly, leaning her head against the trunk. "Every animal falls prey to something. So death is the only freedom from life's cage..."

"That's really morbid, Zoë."

She laughed, but it lacked its usual mirth and just felt...lifeless and hollow. "It is, isn't it?"

He sighed, falling back against the trunk.

She was silent for a time, save for the small exclamations that escaped her when the tree shook. "Hey...Levi?"

"Hmm?"

"...I'm scared."

"Why?"

"I know I always said I didn't care if I lost my life bringing humanity freedom..."

She trailed off into silence, broken only by her soft, panicked whimpers as she clung to the tree, but he didn't need her to continue. The look on her face was the same that Isabel had worn when he found her corpse...

That wouldn't happen again.

"Don't be. You're not alone."

There was a trembling smile on her face in spite of its pallor. And then, she did the craziest thing he'd ever witnessed. She reached above her head and broke a branch and flung it into the Abnormal's eye, using its distraction to launch herself across the gap between their trees.

She fell short by centimeters, and it took all Levi had to catch her before she lost her grip. He hauled her up onto the branch beside him. "You are the craziest person I've ever known."

"Sorry," she mumbled, the fingers of her left hand entwining with his as her right hand drifted over the bloody patch of his pants. She bit her lip, trying to still her tears.

He reached up and pushed her goggles away from her face, before stroking her cheek gently as she nuzzled into his palm.

Maybe death was freedom. But at least they wouldn't have to face it alone.

* * *

There was only one thing he hated about his race: the squalor. It reminded him of a place he felt he knew a very long time ago.

But harpies possessed wings, and not much could beat the power of flight.

Except...one thing.

He always felt as if something was missing. Like when you remember a promise you made, but you can't remember what it was or who you made it to.

He was perched in the oak overlooking the flock's watering hole, preening his feathers for what felt like...he'd lost track. That alone irked him. So much natural grease.... He paused as the sound of hooves reached his ears.

Glancing down, he saw a pegasus--was that a mare?--coming to the bank. They had the most gorgeous dark brown coat he'd ever seen, though experience with those self-righteous creatures had taught him that such a color was rare, and much less prized than the black or white. He straightened his feathers and fluttered down.

"Oy! What are you doing here?"

The pegasus jumped back, clearly startled, their wings angled for retreat. But when their eyes met, he no longer wanted to chase them away. Those soft brown eyes stared at him so intently that he knew they both realized it.

"I remember you," the pegasus murmured. "Your name was Levi."

"And you were Zoë."

She reared and kicked her front legs happily. "Right!" She settled down and shook her mane. "I missed you, you know."

"Let's fly like we couldn't all those years ago."

She whinnied excitedly and took off.

Her flight path was just as eccentric as he remembered her to be. But it didn't matter, he thought, as he fell into a glide close by. Only one thing did.

They were together again.


	4. Eyes

It's funny, she thinks one night, as she finally stretches out on her bed, Levi taking her glasses as she settles down.

"What are you grinning like that for?"

"Just thinking," she replies. She stretches her arms over her head briefly before flopping over onto his lap.

"Tch." He combs his fingers through her hair, gently working out the tangles it accumulates being put up. "About?"

"Hm?" She glances up at him, her bangs hanging in her eyes. She blows at them, but they fall right back into place.

He tucks the strands behind her ear. "What are you thinking about?"

"Eyes."

"Eyes?"

"Mhmm." She rolls over onto her back. "It's funny because," here she pauses to grab his face in her hands, "while we humans use them to see, there's also a more abstract usage." A contemplative look crosses her face. "Though, perhaps, even that may be not as abstract as it first seems, if one considers it."

She can feel his soft sigh, and she smiles apologetically before letting her hands fall to his chest, where she tugs his shirt gently.

He rolls his eyes, but leans down and kisses her. "Was there a point to all this," he says, pulling away again, "or were you just rambling?"

"There's a point," she insists, a small pout on her face.

"I'm listening."

"Doesn't it seem strange that we use our eyes to see, yet we also acknowledge other points of view, things we might not see?"

"You mean perspectives?"

She nods and turns onto her side, burrowing her face into his stomach. She stays silent.

"Zoë? Where were you going with this?"

There's a muffled sound, almost like a sniffle, but he can't tell for sure. "What makes people only see flaws? Is it like people who see no flaws at all?" She's pulled away a little, so her voice isn't muffled, but it's still soft, and that worries him.

"Didn't you once say something about strong emotions being for humans what blinders are for horses?"

She looks up at him, her brown eyes sad and hurt. She's clearly thinking of something painful.

He leans down and kisses her forehead. "People see what they want to see. But their beliefs don't change the facts."

"I know, but..."

He presses a finger to her lips to shush her. "No buts, Zoë. I've shown you my heart and you've shown me yours, right?"

"Of course."

"Then don't worry about the others. If their eyes don't work, that's their problem."

She smiles and crawls up to wrap her arms around his neck and nuzzles into his chest, sitting on his lap with her legs out to the side.

He wraps his arms around her waist; her hair is in his face, but he doesn't mind, resting his chin atop her head.

_Thank you, Levi. The fact that you see me is all I really need._


	5. Blue

He should have stopped her before then.

Hell, he should have stopped her two hours ago, before she grabbed the second bottle.

But with the way she was staring at him, he knew she was too far gone.

"Stop staring, Shitty Glasses."

"Yanno wha' ah no-dissed?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose. It was truly a miracle she could speak at all. Humanity's Brightest just could not hold the amount of alcohol that Humanity's Strongest could.

Sure as hell didn't keep her from trying though.

"No, Hange. I do not know what you noticed." Well, at least she hadn't vomited yet. With any luck he would be able to get her in bed before she made a bigger mess than the empty bottles falling off the dining hall table and wine dripped across the wood surface.

"Yer eyes are really..." She hiccupped and blinked in confusion and he had to try hard not to roll his eyes. "Really, really, really blue."

That was it.

"Give me that," he said, reaching for the bottle she had halfway emptied.

"Nuuuuu! 'M not done ye'!" she protested, trying to hold it away from him.

"Yes, you are," he said firmly. He pulled the bottle from her hands (she wasn't actually holding it over her head like she believed she was). "You're completely wasted. You need to go to bed."

She whined plaintively. "Ah was gunna outdrink ya shortass!"

"No, you weren't. You know you can't." He set the bottle on the table and hauled her onto his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Now, you're going to be a good girl and go to bed."

"Dun wanna," she muttered, but she made no move to fight him as he carried her to her quarters, depositing her on her bed, stripping her down to her underclothes and pulling the covers over her.

He took her glasses and placed them on the bedside table before letting her hair down.

She wrapped her arms around her knees. "I mean it, you know..."

She sounded far more sober than she should have been and that made him pause. "What?"

"Your eyes. They're really blue. Not just in color... Sometimes they're really sad too... It reminds me of the sky then..."

"Go to sleep, Zoë," he said firmly, pushing her down onto the mattress. He doesn't need her to start bawling her eyes out over something pointless.

"Only if you stay with me."

He sighed. "Fine." He got under the covers alongside her, and she snuggled up to him, burying her face into his neck. The reek of wine filled his nose, but he ignored it and wrapped his arm around her waist.

She's silent for a while, and Levi drifted off to sleep to the sounds of her quiet breathing. She leaned back a little and watched him. _I don't like seeing you sad_ , she thought. _But your eyes are never sad when you take care of me. So I guess I just have to be around for you to take care of, huh?_ She smiled sleepily and kissed his cheek.

She could try to do that. To repay the happiness those blue eyes brought her.


	6. Denial

"Hey, Levi?"

He glanced up from his laptop, fingers pausing over the keys. "What."

"You want something to eat?"

"Whatever."

She nodded as he went back to his paper. She would probably do hers later. It wasn't due until, like, Monday anyway. She turned to walk back to the kitchen when he stopped again.

"Zoe?"

"Yeah?"

"Make it chicken."

"Yeah, sure."

She walked to the pantry and frowned slightly. Where was the chicken stew? She set a hand against her hip and sighed as her eyes scanned the shelves. Something bumped against her hand and she glanced down. "Oh, hey there, Gre," she said, scratching her German Shepherd's ears.

Greigous licked her hand and she smiled.

"You just gave me an idea, boy." She pulled a can off the shelf and Greigous cocked his head to the side. "Oh, this is for Levi," she explained, winking at him. "Just a little surprise to loosen him up."

Greigous whined and followed her to the kitchen, watching her as she set the can down on the counter before reaching into the cabinet and pulling a bowl down.

"Don't worry," she said, popping the can open and pouring its contents into the bowl, which she then stuck in the microwave and set the cook time for three minutes. She could never understand why he enjoyed scorching his mouth. She rinsed the can out in the sink. "It won't hurt him."

Greigous whined again and laid down.

She laughed. "Don't tell him though. It's our secret, okay?"

"Arf!"

"Shitty Glasses, shut your mutt up."

She sighed as the microwave beeped and pulled a spoon from the drawer beside the fridge. She took the bowl out and placed it on the table. "I've told you. Greigous is a purebred German Shepherd. Third generation important. Now come eat before I pour this stew on your head."

"Do you want me to kick your ass so bad you limp into next Friday?" He was right behind her.

She grinned, not faltering as he glared at her. "'Course not, Short Stuff. Then you'd get dirty."

He snorted and sat down.

She waved for Greigous to follow her into the den.

They played together for a few minutes, play wrestling and rolling about on the floor. Griegous had just "pinned" her to the floor, knocking her glasses off, when Levi appeared in the doorway, holding something in his hands. It was hard to identify though.

"Hey, Levi, what's up?" she asked, giggling as she pushed Greigous off of her and reached for her glasses.

"The hell do you call this?"

She frowned. Why was he being so quiet? She pushed her glasses on and saw that he was holding the dog food can. "Well...um...I..."

"Explain."

"I-I musta mixed them up!" she insisted, thinking as quickly as she could.

He grabbed her shirt and yanked her up so that their foreheads were touching. "What the fuck were you fucking thinking?" he hissed.

"You know, this isn't the least bit sexy," she joked.

"Are you fucking trying to kill me?"

"Why would I kill you?"

"Then what the fuck were you thinking?"

"I made a mistake."

"It's fucking dog food! The shit that goddamn fucking mutt eats!"

"I only feed Greigous naturally made foods. Nothing in there is poisonous. It will only make you sick if you're allergic. And I'm the one with food allergies, but even I could eat that."

Oh, he's absolutely _livid-_.

"That still doesn't tell me why the fuck you did it."

She shrugged. "I made a mistake."

He let go of her so she fell on her face, snickering. "Denial doesn't look good on you," he said, walking off.

She simply burst out laughing in response.


	7. Loneliness

He sighed heavily. What had felt like the best decision, the safest, most certain to keep her safe, was starting to feel like a mistake.

Attachment was dangerous in their world. It distracted them from their duty and made liability.

So he'd ended it. It was for her own good.

He stopped speaking to her after meetings, sat by himself in the dining hall, and went straight to his office after meals or training.

It was for her own good. That was what he kept telling himself. Eventually it would stop hurting and they could put in behind them and go on with their lives.

But every time their eyes locked for that brief moment...he felt his heart lurch into his throat.

Her eyes held nearly as much pain as they had the night he'd had to inform her that her squad had died under his command.

He laid back on the roof and closed his eyes. He'd come out there to count the stars, but looking at them only reminded him of the ache in his chest.

She's always admired the stars.

"Fancy seeing you here."

His eye flew open to see her soft brown eyes staring down at him, her bangs falling into her face. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugged and looked up at the stars and he could see the light reflecting off the lenses of her glasses. "I used to come here when I got lonely. A long time ago."

"Hange, I..."

"It's okay." She sat down above his head. "You don't have to say it." 

He sat up, reaching for her hand. "I didn't mean to make you lonely. I didn't mean to...to..."

She took his hand gently. "It's okay, Levi. I know what you mean."

"You always do."

She laughed quietly. "I know you wanted to protect me," she murmured, reaching up and threading her fingers through his hair. "But living without you is far lonelier a concept than seeing you die."

"I don't _want_ you to die."

"I won't as long as you're with me. Or, at least, we'll go together."

Well, it wasn't perfect. But it was better than loneliness.


End file.
